Bineta Interview

Abdoul: Hey, how is everything? Thanks for meeting with me.

Bineta: Hi I’m fine.

Abdoul: I don’t think we’ll be here for long. I just have some questions about your childhood and you growing up.

Bineta: Okay

Abdoul: Can you just let me know your name please?

Bineta: Bineta Sarr

Abdoul: Okay, how old are you?

Bineta: I’m 19

Abdoul: What country are your parents from?

Bineta: Senegal

Abdoul: Did you grow up in the United States?

Bineta: Yeah, I grew up here but I was born in Senegal and came here when I was 1.

Abdoul: Okay, I know this may be a sensitive question to ask but have you ever gone through depression or anxiety in your life?

Bineta: Yes, I have.

Abdoul: My first question is would you say that African parenting negatively or positively affected you as of now?

Bineta: I would have to say both to be honest. Growing up, I feel like there was so much pressure to be the best in school and in life in general. My parents enforced so many rules, and when they were broken, it would result in physical punishments. My peers would get Bs in school and be so happy, meanwhile I would get in so much trouble for having anything below a 90. As for bullying, when I was younger, I could never go to my parents about that because they didn’t really give me that physical and emotional assurance. They would always expect me to just tough things out.  On the other hand, it was beneficial because I kind of just had to grow up faster. Also, most things that affect people my age, I just move past it because that’s what I am used to. Now thinking about it, that sounds bad.

Abdoul: Okay that is pretty interesting, based off what you just told me it seems pretty negative though because of the effects that it had you just had to be mentally strong to get through it.

Bineta: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Abdoul: Well since you brought up academics it kinda leads into my other question. Can you elaborate on how they felt towards this?

Bineta: My parents only wanted me to get As and would constantly compare me to other students or kids. It’s a continuing cycle because those kids’ parents would compare them to me, so it makes no sense. I never really got an “it’s okay, just do better next time” until I reached college. Open house days were always the worst. I would come home, and my mom would tell me to go wait upstairs for her in my underwear so she could beat me with a belt. I feel like any punishment you have to repeat over and over again isn’t beneficial at all because clearly it doesn’t change the child.

Abdoul: I definitely agree with the aspect of repeating a punishment over and over does not benefit the child. I also get the idea that your parents had really high expectations that were difficult to meet.

Bineta: Yeah, and sometimes they were pretty unrealistic, but they just thought it could be done.

Abdoul: My next question that I would like to ask is if you feel like your parents emotionally supported you?

Bineta: Before they didn’t but now, they do. As a kid, crying was deemed as weak, so you just had to get up and tough it out. Emotional care, I feel, also goes hand in hand with physical touch. I don’t remember my parents even hugging or kissing me. So, there definitely was a disconnect in terms of seeking that emotional comfort.

Abdoul: Okay I see. I had asked you earlier if you have been depressed or experienced anxiety and you had told me yes. I was wondering how your parents feel towards these things.

Bineta: My parents believed depression and anxiety weren’t real, and an “American” thing that has to do with drugs. If you say you are depressed, they just say “go pray” as if that’s all it is. Someone with depression in my country would be considered to have witchcraft done on them. The reason I said “believed” instead of “believe” is that I do think that they are understanding it more because mental health has been a prevalent topic in today’s world.

Abdoul: At least they have a level of understanding now because they could still have thought this way now.

Bineta: Of course, and them some-what understanding may lead to learning more.

Abdoul: Do you feel like your parents were strict when raising you?

Bineta: Yes, I didn’t start going out with my friends until freshman year of high school. It would always be home or school, and that was it. I was always expected to do dishes, learn how to cook because I am a girl, and act a certain way everywhere I go. I feel like at times, I don’t remember my childhood as fun. Sure, I had good memories, but I can remember more bad than good.

Abdoul: Okay so now that you have told me that my next question is do you have any siblings?

Bineta: Yes, I have 1 brother

Abdoul: Okay, did you notice any differences in the way you were treated in comparison to your brother?

Bineta: I advocated for myself growing up, and my parents are better, it is so much easier for him. When we were young, he was definitely more favored especially because he is a boy and younger. I always had to stick up for myself or just give things up for him.

Abdoul: Did you feel different from your peers when growing because of the way your parents treated you?

Bineta: Definitely, a lot of my peers could get 80s and their parents would get so happy m. They would be flowered with gifts, or constantly go on vacations. They were so close with their parents and were able to call their parents when in help. If a teacher were to lie on me, my parents would 100% believe them over me. On the other hand, I would see my peers’ parents come to the school and fight in their child’s defense.

Abdoul: Okay I can understand how you could feel that way.

Abdoul: If you don’t mind me asking, what was your parents’ style of parenting?

Bineta: My parents’ parenting style was tough love, physical punishments, making sure we ate, and that’s it.

Abdoul: Do you feel like if you were to have children, would you implement the same parent styles your parents used?

Bineta: I Definitely want my kids to know that I will be there for them. I know my parents are there for me, but I don’t really KNOW, if that makes sense. I want my kids to be certain. I want them to know that I will fight for them. When they don’t do well in school, I will look for alternatives to help them do better and encourage them. Of course, I will have boundaries, but I don’t want to keep steering generational trauma.

Abdoul: My last question before we can wrap this up is if you grew up in your family’s home country do you think you would have the same opinion on their type of parenting?

Bineta: Yes, I feel like I wouldn’t be fine with it. If I was living in their generation, then it wouldn’t be an issue. Its more of a generation thing because my cousins in Senegal also agree that their parents’ parenting style is too harsh. However, I still believe that we don’t share similar experiences because they are living within the actual culture of Senegal.

Abdoul: I see, regardless of the fact you feel like it depends on the generation you grow up in.

Bineta: Yeah

Abdoul: Thank you for conducting this interview with me and I have really learned a lot about you and have even gotten a few takeaways for myself. I really appreciate it.

Bineta: No problem, I’m glad I could help

Abdoul: Bye, have a good rest of your semester and I hope everything stays fine.

Bineta: Thank you, bye

Bayame Interview

Abdoul: What’s up bro, how’s everything?

Bayame: I’m good bro, how are you?

Abdoul: I’m fine, thanks for asking. So, I have a few questions for you pertaining to how you grew up and how it has affected your life.

Bayame: Alright

Abdoul: Wait, can I get your full name first?

Bayame: Bayame Bah

Abdoul: Okay, how old are you?

Bayame: I’m 20 years old

Abdoul: What country are your parents from?

Bayame: Mali

Abdoul: Did you grow up here in the United States?

Bayame:  Nah, I grew up in Mali, but I moved here when I was about 13.

Abdoul:Alrighty, I know this may be a sensitive question to ask but have you ever gone through depression or anxiety in your life?

Bayame: Anxiety, yes.

Abdoul: My first question is would you say that African parenting negatively or positively affects you to this day?

Bayame: I would have to say it negatively affects me because of the constant pressure I get from my parents. I didn’t live with them for thirteen years of my life, and I feel like they are too hard on me for people who don’t really know me. They are really strict, and are constantly pressuring me into choosing a career field I have no interest in.

Abdoul: Wow, I can really resonate with that bro. My parents want me to do tech but I’m into business and fashion

Bayame: Haha yoooo! Same bro, they want me to be a doctor too

Abdoul: haha! Alright, now, how do they feel about school growing up?

Bayame: I would get beat a lot because of school. If I didn’t have good grades, I wasn’t allowed to eat certain days, and would go to bed without dinner. We had a lot of expectations. We had to get As and be top of our class. If I did bad, there was no encouragement 

Abdoul: Wow that is very tough, I can definitely relate to that. That must be tough on a young kid

Bayame: Facts Bro!

Abdoul: My next question is if you feel like your parents supported you emotionally?

Bayame: No, they don’t. My parents never give me advice or encouragement. They always tell me to tough things out and be a man. Mental health doesn’t exist within my culture.

Abdoul: I agree, mental health is not talked about a lot. I had asked earlier if you ever been depressed or experienced anxiety and you had told me yes. I was wondering how your parents feel towards those things.

Bayame: My parents don’t believe in depression or anxiety, so I never bothered to tell them how I feel. They believe that people who claim they are depressed are just lying and making excuses for themselves.

Abdoul: Do you feel like your parents were strict when raising you?

Bayame: No. I feel like they were just hard on me, but they didn’t really restrict me from doing things when I was younger. It would just be things that most parents do, like telling kids to come home early and not play outside too late.

Abdoul: Cool, do you have any siblings?

Bayame: Yes, I have two older brothers, and a six-year-old sister

Abdoul: Did you notice any differences in the way you were treated in comparison to your sibling?

Bayame: My older brothers were raised the same as me, and I had it easier than them. My sister is the only girl and still a kid, so she is pretty much spoiled and never gets in trouble.

Abdoul: Did you feel different from your peers when growing because of the way your parents treated you?

Bayame: Definitely, a lot of my peers could do so many things I couldn’t. Their parents would let them go out with friends, visit other people’s houses. Their families were also very close, and I could see how they all voice their opinions and were heard

Abdoul: Okay, If you don’t mind me asking, what was your parents’ style of parenting?

Bayame: My parents’ parenting style was very direct. Do what you are told or get beat.

Abdoul: Do you feel like if you were to have children, you are going to implement the same parenting styles your parents have used?

Bayame: Nah, I’m not beating my kids or hitting them at all. I feel like physical abuse is very traumatic, and there are other ways to learn. I also want my seeds to be comfortable with me bro. It’s so hard seeing my parents treat me nice now, all I can remember are those days.

Abdoul: My last question before you go is if you grew up in your family’s home country do you think you would have the same opinion on their type of parenting?

Bayame: Yes, I grew up in Africa and felt that way towards the people that I raised. We are in a different generation than our elders. So, I feel like the youth feel the same anywhere you go.

Abdoul: Alright, that concludes our conversation. Thank you for conducting this interview with me. I appreciate your feedback and you sharing your experiences. It takes a lot to do just that. Thank you

Bayame: I got you bro, anytime

Abdoul: Bye, have a good rest of your day, and good luck on your finals bro!

Bayame: You too bro, be safe.

Interviews in context:

When I was interviewing Bineta, I noticed that she seemed sort of uncomfortable talking about her family and it made me feel bad. There would be times where there would be a look of sadness on her face after she thought about what to say when I asked her questions which made the vibe very sad and depressing. I felt for her, I wanted to even tell her “It’s okay we don’t have to talk about it”. But she was able to keep going even through the obvious emotions she was showing When I interviewed Bayame it seemed like it was the complete opposite. He had no problem answering my questions and it felt like we were just having a casual conversation. I could not really tell how he felt looking back at the times he described to me because you could not hear it in his voice nor see it in his face. Even though both the people I interviewed both said pretty much the same thing, Both their interviews were very different